16. Sip Happens
Season 1, Episode 16
Jenna shares her story of how was forced to interact with a current client after having a few drinks at a festival. Listen in to see how she handled the situation, as well as the aftermath of interacting with her client while tipsy.
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Episode Transcript - Sip Happens
Kathryn Esquer 00:03
Jenna, welcome to the podcast.
Jenna Humphries 00:07
Thank you. I listen every week. So it's like surreal to be here. Thank you so much.
Kathryn Esquer 00:13
Thank you for listening. And we're so happy to have you here. For those of you who are tuning in, and not a member of the teletherapist network, Jenna, and all of us here are members. So we knew each other from the network. There's a little bit of a background and a friendship going on. So we're excited to have you here, Jenna. And before we get into your situation of bad therapist moment, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Jenna Humphries 00:37
Yes, so I am a licensed professional counselor in Ohio. I'm, well, I'm licensed in Ohio and in Illinois, but I'm currently in Ohio, Northeast Ohio and working in community mental health. So, still pretty early in my career, I'm about two years in. So I'm pretty, pretty early. This the situation I'm going to share was like super early in my career. So I work with like, all ages, all populations. I prefer working with like really young kids, and then also like, young adults, kind of like college age emerging adulthood. But yeah, I love it all. But really young kids really love it.
Allie Joy 01:22
And I know you, we have very similar styles and our therapeutic approach. Jenna, I know this from the network. But I know you love incorporating creativity and the work that you do you and that's also my ideal populations that you work with, too. So it's just so nice to hear that little bit about it, too.
Jenna Humphries 01:36
Yeah, I do. Yeah, a lot of like play and creativity. And so, yeah.
Allie Joy 01:43
That's awesome.
Kathryn Esquer 01:44
Jenna, tell us about your bad therapists moment.
Jenna Humphries 01:48
Yes. So the client, the situation when we were referencing is actually one of my teenage clients. So it just kind of added to like my insecurity and like the anxiety of the moment, so or the situation. So I, like I said, this was I just recently moved back I was about to my hometown from Chicago. So I moved back to Ohio. It's not really a small town, but it's kind of a small town feel. So it was about six months into working at this agency. And it's downtown. And it was in the summer, we have like this like, Festival, the first Friday of every month, go downtown, and there's all kinds of things like there's like food trucks, there's an art district, there's, you know, all kinds of things, you can go to different restaurants and they usually, like stay open later. There's like music, it's like, super fun. So at the time, I was working, you know, like nine to five on Fridays. And so me and a family member decided to meet up after work. Go go there. And I was like, Sure, yeah, and I work right down the road. Like I've worked downtown, and this festival is downtown. So I was like, yeah, like that's meet up, this will be fun. Bearing in mind that I had worked all day, and I'm not, I'm getting better. But particularly at this time, I was not great about boundaries and like setting my like, making sure I took a lunch break and things like that. So I had been working all day. I don't particularly remember if I ate lunch, but if I had it was like five hours earlier so I'd gone been working all day. Probably didn't have much in my stomach. And I went out I had a couple glasses of wine. Like two it was not a lot but and then we decided we were going we were like met for a drink then we were going home. My we were going to like go to dinner I think we were meeting up with like the rest of you know going home to meet up with our families to to get dinner. And so I like stood up I was like, Oh my gosh, okay, like I'm feeling this one like I haven't eaten all day. And I'm walking to the car with my family member and I was like, okay, just put one foot in front of the other and honestly, like looking back I don't think anyone could tell I don't even think the person I was with could tell but in my head I was just like, focusing. And so I'm walking to the car not to drive I whenever I tell the story, I always like disclaimer. The disclaimer, yes, disclaimer, I was the passenger in the car. So we're walking and as I was walking out of the corner of my eye, I saw, I saw this girl. And I was like, Oh my gosh, it like clicked. I was like, oh, there's a client. There's my teenage client. And I like all at once. It just like came to me. And I was like, Oh my gosh. So I'm like running through the ethical code. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm like a little bit tipsy. And what do you do when you see a client in public? Like, all these things are running through my head all at once? And I'm like, What am I going to do? What do I do? And so I'm like, okay, just keep walking, like, just focus, like, look straight ahead, like just, and right, as I'm like, thinking all of these things I hear like, Jenna! I'm like, Oh, no.
Kathryn Esquer 05:53
Oh, my goodness.
Jenna Humphries 05:56
I literally just stop dead in my tracks like, in the middle, middle of the sidewalk, I just stopped.
Kathryn Esquer 06:02
So you're already aware, your client was nearby, you were like, I'm just gonna keep acting normal. I'm not good. I'm gonna keep acting normal. I'm feeling some wine right now. And probably making the situation even more anxiety provoking, and a little bit more difficult to navigate mentally and cognitively. Right. And you're hoping I would assume that your client does not see you. And all of a sudden, you're walking forward and you hear your name. Yeah. What went through your mind when you heard "Jenna!".
Jenna Humphries 06:36
Oh, my gosh, I was like, I literally was just like, this is worst case scenario. Hoping, right, that she wouldn't see me wouldn't acknowledge me. Because like I said, I had been hoping, right, like, I was going through the ethical code. And I was like, Well, of course, I don't acknowledge her, she doesn't acknowledge me. So I was hoping that she wouldn't acknowledge me. And that would give me the out not to acknowledge her. And I could just keep walking. And like it, like it never happened. And then I was like, you know, maybe when I'm nice and professional in my office, we can address this in the next session. And if she brings up Hey, I saw you, whatever, and I'll be prepared for it. And so I literally was, like, stopped at this point. I had just passed her to my back was to her and I was like, do I act like I don't hear her?
Allie Joy 07:39
I was thinking that I was like, was that a possibility? Could you pretend like you didn't hear like, oh, I had a headphone in?
Kathryn Esquer 07:46
That didn't even cross my mind, I would have been like "oh hi!"
Jenna Humphries 07:54
Um, but yeah, so I was just like, Okay, well, she acknowledged me first. So like, the ethical code says, I can say hi, right. Yeah, I mean, I was just like, and then I mean, literally, the first moment, I was just like, oh, my gosh, I'm, I'm, I'm horrible. Like, that was literally my first thought was like, I'm a professional now. Like, I can't do this. Like, this is a small town, like, what are you thinking? You just moved back here? Like, you can never drink again. Like I'm, yeah, alcohol, Jenna. Like, it doesn't matter that you're an adult and you're over 18 or over 21 You can't drink alcohol ever again. You can never go in public. You know. So that's all of these things were like racing through my head like, you can't you know, you can't drink in public ever again. Like what? What were you thinking?
Kathryn Esquer 08:54
What were you thinking?
Jenna Humphries 08:56
Especially so close to work. That's what I was thinking. Actually, we were parked. This is the the irony. We were parked in my work. My office parking lot. That's how close we were. I was like, What was I thinking going out? This close to work? So lots of thoughts.
Allie Joy 09:19
Yeah, well, I feel like this is a topic we talk about all the time, it comes up so much. And it's that gray area where we don't want to stop living our lives. But we still want to be professional. So it's so tricky to navigate. And I always refer to Kathryn because I know that you live in work in a small town. So you are well practiced at this. I personally by choice live very far from like my, well, I don't have my office now. But even before then, people would be like, Oh my gosh, your commute is so long. Like how do you deal with that? I'm like, I don't have to worry about running into people. When I'm three days dirty hair like sweatpants in the grocery store. I don't have to worry about that. So it makes it worth it.
Kathryn Esquer 09:56
I have to say grocery delivery and having toddlers to keep me home did change my life in a positive way.
Allie Joy 10:06
Oh, my goodness. So what happened next?
Jenna Humphries 10:09
Yeah, so I turned around. And I just said, Hi. And actually, so I turned around and I saw my client standing there with somebody else. And it actually, if you can believe this got worse. I said, Hi. And she turns to the person she's with and she goes, this is my therapist was like, mortified. Because, again, teenagers, I feel like teenagers have this sixth sense. And I was like, they can tell. Like, so I was like, Oh my gosh, like, you know, I am because I'm so young. I thought, like, maybe I get that a lot like, Oh, you look like a teenager. So I was thinking maybe the person she was with, like, I could pass as like, Oh, she, um, someone she knows from school. I'm like, whatever. No, this is my therapist. And so I said, I just said, like, oh, it looks like you're having fun. Like, I'll see you later. And I turned around, and I walked away. And then, you know, had to deal with the ramifications of then my family member was like, Who was that? And I was like, I didn't answer
Kathryn Esquer 11:33
Before we get into how this played out within the therapy room with your client. And then with your with your family member? I'm curious, why were you mortified? Being identified as a therapist as this person therapists? Can you speak more to that?
Jenna Humphries 11:49
Yeah, I think I think it was because A. I just so didn't expect it. Because I think I putting myself in her shoes. That's so not something I would do. That's not the way I would react. And I think because, like alcohol was involved, and I just felt so like irresponsible. I think in that moment I was like, I was playing lawyer, judge and jury. And like, I mean, I was like license revoked. Like, I just felt like I was, you know, of course, we're our own worst critic. And so I just felt like, this is like the worst, this is the worst possible, like scenario.
Kathryn Esquer 12:37
Would you have felt, do you think you would have felt differently if alcohol wasn't involved? Would it have been as mortifying? Or would you've been as harsh on yourself? Just curious about the multiple, multiple layers here, right? So having them like, fully, like out you as their therapist, which they have the right to do so and then but the layer of you know, responsibly drinking as an adult is playing into your, your response?
Jenna Humphries 13:06
Yeah, um, I think, no, I don't think I would have felt as like insecure or anxious, mortified about it. Because I think I would have felt more able to, like, keep on my professional like, therapists hat I think, especially at that time speaking, so fresh, I felt like I had, I still had to, like, be a therapist all the time, I had to, like have this therapist hat on all the time. And so I felt like I was like, I was I didn't have the ability to like have that like, capability at that time. So yeah, I think I would have felt more able to do that and maybe less, you know, like caught off guard. I had completely all my faculties about me
Kathryn Esquer 14:07
I can relate to that. Absolutely. And the thing that comes up in my mind is I purposefully don't have an active personal social media presence. And that is because in my very small town in which I grew up in I have a lot of friends and connections and family friends and parents of friends and you know community members that you know, I they know people who might be seen me and so having a public having my private persona public to me, brings implications into the therapy room and I try and minimize that. And it's been, also I don't miss it, I don't miss it. It's not like something I'm missing out on. I don't want it but I can relate to this idea of someone seeing you not in the professional mode and it one jarring your confidence is especially as a newly minted therapist, and two, it brings things into the therapy room like it does. You can use it in a good way, but it does bring more stuff in. So I can relate to that. Absolutely.
Allie Joy 15:14
Yeah. I will say, I'm wondering like now in reflection, like thinking back to it and like being a little more season now, do you feel like it was as deserving of this harshness on yourself? Because I'm kind of thinking like, it's a Friday night. It's after work hours, you know, like I said, you're an adult, you're having a drink. It's not like you're taking shots on your lunch break, and they have an appointment with you after this. I feel like yeah, okay, then Jenna. Well, we'll talk about that. But I'm wondering now with that reflection, like, do you think it deserved that kind of mindset about it?
Jenna Humphries 15:46
No, I don't like I think I have a lot more like objectivity about it. And like I said, like, I was being responsible about it, like, Yes, I was totally not like, I was not by any means, like, totally drunk, or like, being outrageous about it, I was responsibly drinking. And, like, there was actually a part of me, that was when I was stopped. And like, my back was still to her. I was worried that she would see it in me, right? And I was like, Oh, my gosh, like, what if she can tell? And there was a part of me that was like, What if she's been drinking? And what am I going to do with that information? She's a minor. And what am I going to do? Like? Because I remember having that conversation in graduate school. And like, you know, what, what do you what would you do if you saw your client in a bar? And then it kind of escalated into like, what if your client has a drinking problem? What if your clients a minor, like what? And so I was like, well, then what do I do with that information? That didn't happen to my knowledge that, you know, that's different? That would be a different situation, I guess. But yeah, it's definitely with like, removing myself from the situation, I have a lot more objectivity and like, No, and that's definitely like a lesson that I've learned from it. Kathryn, like you were saying, like, you can't give up your social life. You can't give up your, you know, your, your life like we're, we're humans, too. And we have lives outside the therapy room. So and I certainly, you know, I wasn't being outrageous about it at all. And I think my perception of how I appeared and the people around me, I don't think anyone would have even guessed. I think I looked probably totally fine.
Allie Joy 17:45
Well, also, I feel like when I asked that question, I'm sure I would feel the exact same way at the moment, like now sitting here, like, you know, years later, I'm like, Yeah, Jenna, you know, you shouldn't have been so hard on yourself. But I can, with a lot of confidence, say I'm sure I would have felt the same way.
Kathryn Esquer 18:02
How did this interaction show up in the therapy room when you saw this patient next?
Jenna Humphries 18:07
Yeah. So again, like I saw her on the schedule, and I was like, okay, like, right. I got to broach this. She didn't bring it up. I don't think about seeing me. So I believe I did. I was okay. Just like, you know, we saw each other a couple weeks ago, and she's like, oh, yeah, like, totally, like, didn't even like was just kind of so nonchalant about it. And and I was like, Okay, well, like I was like, just, you know, just a reminder, like, I said, Hi, because you, you know, you said hi to me first. And that's fine. You can always do that. Just, you know, a reminder. I wouldn't say hi, first and. And then I kind of went in a little bit more to like, who she was with, I was like, oh, like was that so and so like, you know, people she was she had been talking about I assumed it was somebody she had brought up in therapy. She was like, oh, no, I had met them that night. And I was like, oh, and that took me even more by surprise that somebody she had just met, she was like, This is my therapist. And I was like, interesting. So yeah, we talked about that a little bit. But I think that's it.
Kathryn Esquer 19:29
That's pretty cool. Like, there's no she's not even implying there's a stigma. And like, if I ran into my veterinarian on the street, I'd be like, This is my vet. Or this is my primary care doctor.
Jenna Humphries 19:42
She's like, Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she was she was just like, yeah, like, I just was like, Oh my gosh, this is how I know like, I go to school with her like, Yeah, this is this is my therapist. So it was it was like totally no stigma at all. I It was she was like super nonchalant about seeing me.
Allie Joy 20:03
So I feel like that comes up a lot with my clients like teens, college students, where I feel like they always joke. They're like, Oh, yeah, as soon as we're done with therapy, like, I fire off the group text of like, the tips, the strategies, the coping skills, posted on Instagram, or like, tiktok, whatever, like, so open about therapy, it's amazing, or like a lot of my clients with like, partners, they're like, Oh, we do a full debrief. And there's so so many people are so open about it now. And it's amazing to see, but I feel like it does come up a lot, where in my own intakes kind of go through that feel like if we do run into each other, you know, tell them the art what we have to do. And so many times, they're like, why? I'm like, Well, some people wouldn't want someone to know that I'm their therapist. And they're like, why, like, well, that's just how it goes. But it's so interesting to see that perspective.
Kathryn Esquer 20:52
That reminds me of a pretty unique situation, I find myself in occasionally, where families were really open about a parent or child going to therapy, I'll have someone I have no clue who they are come up to me in public and be like, you're Dr. Katy, my mom sees you, we talk about your work all the time at the house. And that's a really unique situation where one it's really cool. And I know usually like that this person is open about it, but I can't acknowledge that their relatives therapist, so I usually just, I It's what's your name, I'm Katy, like, it's nice to meet you, or, and it's a really interesting situation, as more people are open about therapy, which is awesome. It does put a lot more thoughtfulness into how we acknowledge or approach clients outside of the therapy room.
Allie Joy 21:45
Now, did you end up like going to any, like seeking any consultation? Or like supervision around it? Or did you just kind of like know how to handle it and dealt with it in the session? Or did you talk about it with anyone else? While it was happening, or right after?
Jenna Humphries 21:59
I talked about it, like with some co workers and things like that, I think, right after it happened, I was still like, too nervous to even bring it up with like, supervisors or anyone, like above me, quote, unquote, like, I was like, Oh my gosh, like, I still felt like that whole, like, are they gonna say like, Oh, you shouldn't be doing that. But I talked about it with like, kind of my same level peers. And we've joked about it, because I'm like, you know, like, Let's go out for a drink and talk about it. But, yeah, so I mean, I talked about it with them. And they were like, Yeah, sounds like you handled it, right. I mean, she she said hi to you, and, you know, you were gonna keep walking. And I was like, Yeah, I mean, what was I gonna do? Like, like I said, that split second of like, do I act like I didn't hear her, but I feel like that would have been worse that that broaching in the next session would have been worse if I had been like, I mean, she shouted it. And I was standing right there. So, yeah, yeah. So I, I've talked about it with a few of like, my co workers that I'm close with, and I'm friends with and yeah, they were like, Yeah, I mean, I don't think that it's happened to them. But it certainly could. Because it's, yeah, I mean, like I said, we're all we're this festival happens, like, spring through fall, and we're, it's right down the road. So and we're all kind of young professionals.
Kathryn Esquer 23:34
So what advice would you give to a colleague who had a few drinks ran into client on the, at this festival, and everything went fine, but they were really beating themselves up over it and shameful about it? What advice would you give to them?
Jenna Humphries 23:54
Yeah, I mean, I think first and foremost, it's just like, don't give up your life. Like, you can't stop living your life. You can't give up your social life or your favorite activities, or, you know, family going out with your family or friends are, you know, holiday traditions, just because you're a therapist. And like I said, like, be responsible about it, like, you know, I mean, we're not the, we're not, I'm not judging for, you know, being a good or bad therapist. Totally. But, um, so it's, it's reasonable, but certainly, like, Yeah, I think getting that objectivity. So yeah, the next day I went in, I talked to my co workers, and they were able to kind of give me that perspective of like, sounds like you handled it just fine. Obviously, in the moment, it was a little bit different. It wasn't like something that happened in the clinical room or I was able to just right after session, go get feedback. But I would say yeah, just trying You get that perspective afterwards and asking like, hey, how do you think? How do you think this went? Like? Do you think I handle this? Okay? Because, yeah, a lot of times, it can be, we're our own worst critic, and it's our own. Like, it can be like our own anxiety or insecurity that we're beating ourselves up, when really, it's like, we were doing nothing wrong. We're living our own lives, just like I had every right to be at that festival. My client had every right to be at that festival and our worlds are gonna, you know, interact sometimes, especially when you live in like that small town or that small town feel.
Allie Joy 25:43
Great. Well, I'm so glad you shared the story just because it's so relatable. I feel like so many of us can take, like, just feel so validated and seen in this moment. But before we let you go, if anyone does want to connect with you outside of the podcast, where can they find you?
Jenna Humphries 25:57
Yeah, well, like Kathryn said at the beginning, definitely if you're on the teletherapist network, I'm sure you have already found me. So yes, I am on the network. If you're not on the network, then you can email me at JennaH@phoenixrisingbhr.org.
Allie Joy 26:20
Perfect. And we'll link that of course in our show notes if anyone wants to reach out. And do you have a therapy Instagram or No, I can't remember if you don't, okay, perfect. Just wanted to make sure we didn't miss out on that one.
Kathryn Esquer 26:33
So much Jenna. I love your story. I can relate to so much of it. And I'm sure a lot of our listeners too. So thank you for joining us sharing some vulnerability. And you're welcome back at any time when you have more bad therapists moments.
Jenna Humphries 26:45
Oh, yeah, I've had plenty.
Allie Joy 26:50
Thanks, Jenna.